


Juggling

by stellarmeadow



Series: Season 4 Codas/Missing Scenes [9]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode Related, Episode Tag, M/M, Pining, episode 409
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/pseuds/stellarmeadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's using all his energy to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Juggling

**Author's Note:**

> Set just after 4.09, so spoilers for the ep inside. Ninth in the S4 coda series, you really need to read the others, I think, to make sense of it.
> 
> Did I mention spoilers? :)

They closed down the Tiki Lounge--not a huge feat, given that Nicky wanted to close by 9 because of the holiday. Steve wasn't sure he was buying the claim that Nicky wanted to do some Black Friday shopping, but he didn't question it. Far be it from Steve to ruin the guy's plans.

The rest of them went back to Steve's, lounging around with beers on the lanai until after Joan was in bed and Grace was fast asleep, her head pillowed on Danny's shoulder. Steve wondered if they all sensed the mood in the McGarrett family, that need to draw the night out, to make it last because there was so little time left. Or maybe they were all just enjoying the holiday not being interrupted by another case. 

Eventually, though, Kamekona and his cousin decided they needed their beauty sleep. That seemed to be the cue, and one by one the others started to leave. Danny waited it out until he and Grace were the only ones still around who didn't live there before he finally said, "Okay, I need to get her home." He nodded at Grace, who was still sleeping against him.

He shifted in his seat, his "Grace, wake up," so soft Steve barely heard it. She just shook her head and rubbed her face against his shoulder. Danny met Steve's eyes, and Steve's heart flipped over at the fond look as Danny picked her up.

"She's getting too big for this," Danny said as he adjusted her weight. "Thanks for dinner," he added, looking at Steve before turning to the others. "Goodnight."

"I'll help you with the doors," Steve said, hopping up and jogging to get ahead of Danny and pull the lanai door open. They moved quietly through the house, the floorboards creaking loudly in the still night. Funny, Steve hadn't noticed just how loud the floorboards were until now. 

He opened the front door and followed Danny out to the car to get the passenger door as well. Once Grace was safely buckled in, though, Danny didn't get in the car right away. He stood there, studying Steve carefully for a moment in the bright moonlight.

"You okay?" Danny asked.

Steve rubbed at the tight spot on the back of his neck. "I'm...coping."

"There's a surprise."

"What?"

Danny looked for a moment like he might not answer, but then he said, "You're always 'coping,'" he said carefully. "You know no coping mechanism lasts forever, right?" 

Steve was well aware of that, especially lately. He'd been coping with a lot. His mom's disappearance, Billy, Catherine, Deb's illness...and Danny. He knew there was a limit to how much coping anyone could do. He also knew he was nearing his own capacity. 

What he didn't know was what he could possibly do about it.

Eventually something was going to spill. Until then, he'd just keep coping. "I don't know how to do anything else," Steve said honestly. 

"I know." Danny's smile was warm, as was his hand when it wrapped around Steve's bicep. "Step one to doing more than coping is talking about things. I know you know my cell phone number, because you call it often enough. And you know where I live. So if you need to talk...."

Steve nodded. He didn't want Danny to go, though. He wanted to stay right there in the quiet driveway, enjoying the tingling feeling where Danny was touching him. Maybe even do a little more touching. A lot more touching. And definitely some kissing.

Fuck it...if ever he had a night that he could be excused for his weakness.... 

Steve leaned down, capturing Danny's lips, not touching anywhere else, giving Danny the chance to pull back. Instead, Danny's grip on Steve's arm tightened, and Danny's other arm went behind Steve, fingers splayed against his back, five bright pinpoints of heat through Steve's dress shirt. 

He wanted to drown in this, to lose himself in it and forget everything else in the world. Surely he deserved that after everything? 

Laughter from the back yard drifted out to them, Catherine's the most noticeable. Steve pulled back, licking his lips to catch the taste of Danny there. 

"Sorry," Steve said, as he opened his eyes.

Danny didn't look pissed, though. "It's okay." 

No, definitely not pissed. His tone was more...sad. Fuck. "Danno--"

"You should go spend more time with your aunt," Danny said, taking his hand off Steve's arm, removing the last point of contact between them. 

He should do a lot of things. But it was hard to swim for any shore when you were using all your energy just to tread water. "Yeah," he said, because he didn't know what else to say. "Goodnight, Danno."

Danny's smile was as sad as his tone. "Goodnight, Steven."

He went around the car and got in. Steve waited until the tail lights were out of sight before turning to go back to the house. 

Only then did he notice his aunt standing outside the front door, watching. Steve schooled his features into a polite mask. "What are you doing out here?" he asked. 

"Catherine and Mary are cleaning up. They refused to let me help, so I came looking for you."

"Oh." Steve scratched at his ear. "I was just saying goodnight to Danny."

Deb gave him a long look, taking a deep breath before speaking. "That how you say goodnight to all of your friends?" 

"Deb--"

"I'm not judging, kiddo." Her smile was kind as she placed a hand on his arm. "You've got a good life here. Much better than you did in the Navy. I just don't want to see you screw it up."

"You think that," he said, jerking his head back towards the driveway, "would screw up my life?"

She shook her head. "No, I think trying to balance that with what you have in there," she replied, nodding back towards the house, "will screw up your life. You can't have it both ways--trust me, I know a few things about that."

He wondered what the story was there, and if it had to do with why she'd never married. He realized suddenly he didn't have a lot more time to ask questions like that. "I know," he said, because he did. He absolutely knew. He just hadn't figured out what to do about it. "It's complicated."

"That's always the excuse," Deb said. "But I've found if you don't uncomplicate it yourself, life has a way of doing it for you. And life's way is usually a lot messier and a lot more painful."

Steve's eyes narrowed, even as he smiled at her. "I sense a story there."

"Well, you are the cop, as you were so quick to tell me. You read people."

Steve touched her arm, guiding her towards the door. "What do you say we go inside and you tell us the story? I'd like to hear it."

"Sure, why not?" She smiled at him. "Maybe you'll learn something."

"Maybe I will." 

\----------  
END

**Author's Note:**

> Want to learn more about me and my writing? Visit my page at <http://www.jamiemeadowswrites.com/>


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